Scarecrow Joe

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Scarecrow Joe


When the frigid dusk crept into the high deep hills, so did the masquerading party guests.
It was Halloween and Beatrix’s parents were throwing their annual spooky soiree inside their great big house. It was quite a swell and ritzy occasion, and every soul in town was cordially invited---every soul that was except for Beatrix.
Beatrix had torn up her invitation in protest. She wanted to attend the party dressed up in her gory goblin mask, but her parents wouldn’t allow it. “Your gory goblin mask will give our guests the jitters, and ruin their Halloween fun,” they said.
So Beatrix called her mom a nitwit, and her father a lamebrain. “Being scared out of your wits is what Halloween is all about,” she told them both, and she went outside to be alone.
Beatrix sat bored on the steps of the front porch for a bit, listening to the merry sounds of the party guests coming from inside. She could hear them bobbing for apples and playing parlor games. She could hear them jesting about and dancing to swinging music. It sounded like so much fun. But Beatrix stubbornly refused to go inside and join. “Its simply not a Halloween soiree without the sounds of heebie-jeebie screams, grisly shrieks and bloody hollers,” she thought to herself.
So all through the chilly dusk, Beatrix passed the time by reading one of her fathers old and ancient copies of the Farmers Almanac. It was rather run of the mill, and things were kind of boring for a time. But then something happened that was quite the opposite. A spooky invasion came from the above!
From the inky dark shadows of the phantom moon, a mad murder of crows poured down upon the great big house.
When Beatrix heard the crows heebie-jeebie screams, a mean case of the jitters crawled up her spine and turned her white as a sheet. “St. Peters ghost! It cant be so!” she cried aloud, for these weren’t your everyday average crows. It was the Ghastly Flock--the most vile and retched of unruly ragamuffins the sky’s had ever known!
Like dark aviators, they set down upon on the shingled rooftop. “Attention my creepy gents!” barked the flocks rather rough and boorish leader. “Its time to crash the party and show these well mannered cats the true meaning of Halloween!”
“Whoopee!” shouted his nutsy gang, and they hopped on down the chimney and flooded the house.
With terrible quickness, the inside filled up with the cackling of crows and the dreadful yammer of the frightened party guests. It was all really awful. Beatrix felt horrible. She wanted to help, but couldn’t muster the moxy to do anything about it--she was just to afraid.
But then from inside, Beatrix heard her mother frantically trying to fend her famous pumpkin pie away from the greedy mitts of the flock. “Back you rapscallions! Back!” cried her mother.
It was in that moment that Beatrix decided to be brave, she decided to take action. Her solution came in the pages of her old and ancient Farmers Almanac, where she found a strange little add for the services of a swashbuckling scarecrow:

‘Your Pesky Pest’s He’ll Freight and Scare,
For a price that’s low and very Fair!’

Just say into the wind the secret password: Timbuktu

So with the sounds of the terrified partygoers filling the ever darkening dusk, Beatrix said into the wind the scarecrows password. “Timbuktu…” She listened as her words echoed far across the hills, and waited for something to happen.
Then from the neighboring thicket of hazy wilderness, something appraoched--rushing, screaming, howling through the brush like a wild wind.
It was Scare Crow Joe--the legendary rogue hero of the New England wilds who’s very name terrified villains and hoods alike, and Beatrix couldn’t have been more releived.
“Sir, thank goodness you’re here. The Ghastly Flock is spoiling Halloween!” she said as the scarecrow climbed the porch steps.
Scarecrow Joe seemed unshaken by her troubled news. “No need to fright my little dear, for I’m hear to quail your fear,” he said, finishing his lively verse with a wolfish grin. Then he went into action!
Using his awesome powers of unseen creeping--taught to him long ago by a Tibitan mystic--Scarecrow Joe tiptoed into the house.
“By the great gods of autumn!” he suddenly gasped as he came into the living room, for the place was in shambles. The Ghaslty flock had turned it into a spook house--spider webs dangled from the ceilings., the left over bones of various munched up critters adorned the floors, and all around stood the petrified party guests with faces white with fear.
In the Telivision room the scarcrow found the crows. All were wolfing down plates of Beatrixe’s mothers famouse pumpkin pie, there eyes fastened to the TV set where a gory flick about flesh eating gouls was noisily playing.
Incesensed, Scarecrow Joe declared as loud as he could, “reach for the sky you master feinds!”
The murder of dark crows went absolutely crackers. “Oh no! Its Scare Crow Joe!” they all shrieked while making a break for an open window.
But the scarecrow wouldn’t have it. These heinous hoods needed to be taught a lesson.
Using his awesome abilities of spooking--taught to him long ago by the terrible pirates of Zanzibar--Scarecrow Joe scared the jeepers out of the flock, scaring them so bad there feathers turned as white as sheets.
“Spoil Halloween, not on my watch!” he shouted as the horde of horrified birds flew out the window and faraway.
But as the scarecrow celebrated another fine victory, unwittingly, one last crow remained--the flocks sinister leader who was lurking in the shadows with vengeance on the brain
“Dirty rotten pumpkin pie, here I come and know you die,” the creature growled, readying his attack.
But in the nick of time, Beatrix came and saved the day. She hurled an empty pumpkin pie tin at the ghastly crows cranium, and knocked him cold.
“That’ll knock some sense into the old bird,” said the scarecrow, and he let out a tremendous spurt of swashbuckling laughter.
Beatrix started to blush. “Just glad I could help sir.”
So with Haloween made safe once again by Scarecrow Joe and Beatrix, the annual spooky soiree carried on through the autumn dusk and into the night.
Beatrix’s parents were so indebted to the scarecrow, they overlooked the fact that he was rather scary looking and invited him to stay as an honorary guest. But to Betrixes disappointment, the scarecrow declined the invitation.
“I’m afraid I have to get a wiggle on, for there’s plenty more villains to spook in other parts of the land,” said the scarecrow. He gave Beatrix a wink and wave goodbye, and was out the door and faraway as quick as an autumn breeze.
As for Beatrix, she made up with her parents and joined the party. Like an owl she stayed up late into the night, enjoying the merry sounds of her fellow party guests untill the break of dawn brought Halloween to a bittersweet end.

--the end--